Never In my wildest dreams would I ever have imagined myself as a light language practitioner. It's been an incredible journey of self-discovery, a path that continues to unveil the depth and breadth of this transformative modality. As I walk this path, I find myself falling deeper into the essence of simply being.
When I channel light language, a sense of profound belonging washes over me, and my freedom expands exponentially. However, it took me quite some time to gather the courage to openly share this gift. I grappled with the fear of judgement and, to some extent, felt ashamed of my own capabilities.
At the core of my healing journey lay a deep-seated wound, buried beneath layers of trauma, pain, and suffering. It was the fear of being seen, a belief I had carried since my early childhood, a time when I internalised the idea that it was unsafe to exist.
Did you know that the period of childhood development from birth to age seven controls how the internal organs and physical body evolve? This in impacts normal breathing which developed, among other things, into a minor scoliosis and very stiff joints.
Unearthing this truth about myself required significant work, as I had to first release my body from a state of perpetual numbness, freeze, and overwhelm. It was only then that the suppressed memories from my past came flooding back. Equipped with the tools to process and let go of this emotional baggage, I began to understand, integrate, and forgive the source of my pain and anxiety.
My coping mechanism had become dissociation, and my nervous system was wired for survival, leaving me in a perpetual state of panic and unease. For the better part of my life, I felt uncomfortable and unsafe in my own body. Panic and anxiety attacks, extreme nervousness, introversion, and shyness were constant companions. In France, I received a diagnosis of 'timidité and anxieté maladif,' translating loosely to extreme shyness and anxiety sickness. I became increasingly inept at communication, self-expression, and being authentic. I carried the weight of shame, vocal inhibition, and a perpetual people-pleasing mode.
Depression and thoughts of suicide were also part of my journey, but I kept these struggles hidden, for I was afraid of being seen. I was operating primarily from my shadow, as I believed that showing my true self would spell the end for me.
Fast forward to 2020, a year that marked a significant turning point in my life. A difficult breakup with my partner, a loss of close friends, the pandemic, and unemployment all compounded my challenges.
The following year, I moved to Diani, where the most profound healing experiences took place. In November of that year, I, with intention took some acid(lsd), an exprience that fundamentally transformed my identity. The 'I' that was known as CJ ceased to exist. It was during this time that I realised I no longer resonated with the name CJ. I wrote pages upon pages, documenting the emotional and mental pain I could recall. When I felt complete, I ceremonially released it into the ocean.
Weeks later, during a session with my sister, spontaneous sounds and movements burst forth from me. It was an intense release, lasting over an hour, as my body unwound and unraveled.
A few weeks after this, I had my first full-blown light language channeling experience. It marked the beginning of my journey with light language.
Now, nearly two years later, I'm finally ready to step into the light as my true self. I've done the inner work to confront my fears, heal old wounds, and integrate my shadow. As I move beyond its illusions, my clarity of mission has awakened. Embracing what once terrified me, I continue to heal and transform deeper aspects of myself, stepping more fully into my soul's purpose.
Writing this piece is cathartic, serving as a confirmation that the core wound is healed. I hope that my story can inspire and support someone else on their own journey, encouraging them to embrace their uniqueness with courage.
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